


in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

by SorryFreudianSlip



Series: so close that your hand on my chest is my hand [6]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Polyamory, Transgender Characters, Vladimir Ranskahov Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-23 01:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7461633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorryFreudianSlip/pseuds/SorryFreudianSlip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew’s clothes were gone. His expensive beers. His CDs. The braille books of Russian literature, the boxing gloves.<br/>Fuck. Vladimir ground his teeth and wept.</p><p>Vladimir has been gone for a while, Matt has moved on, and Frank just wants everyone to be happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

**Author's Note:**

> I love you as certain dark things are to be loved/in secret, between the shadow and the soul.  
> Title from Pablo Neruda's "I Do Not Love You".
> 
> Warnings for some brief (very brief) descriptions of violence

Vladimir threw his duffel bag to the floor. Everything was how he’d left it. Anatoly’s flower pots empty, but still resting on the window sill, the watering can in the corner. The ballet barre. The punching bag. The dog bowl. He supposed his reputation had kept drug dealers and teenagers away. Yes, everything was in its proper place.

Except.

Matthew’s clothes were gone. His expensive beers. His CDs. The braille books of Russian literature, the boxing gloves.

Fuck. Vladimir ground his teeth and wept.

*

“Frank?”

“Nightmare, babe?”

“Mm.” Matt shifted, letting Frank put his arm around his waist. “Just a dream. Did I ever tell you about Volodya?”

“The one before me?”

“Yeah. After Elecktra, before you.” Matt squirmed.

“You don’t owe me anything. None of your secrets.” Frank’s voice was low, his arm tightening around Matt. “You don’t gotta say anything you don’t want to.”

“Yeah. I’d-I wanna talk to you about it. I just don’t want to remind you of anything bad. I,” Matt grimaced. “I feel like if I start talking I won’t stop.”

“You loved him.”

“Uh. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I did. As certain dark things are meant to be loved.” Matt quoted, chewing his tongue. “I dream I hear his heartbeat.”

*

Vladimir wasn’t _naive_. It’s been, what, a year? Year and a half? The world doesn’t fucking _stop_ that long. It doesn’t hold its breath ‘til you get back. Fisk’s empire rose and fell, the Irish took his place. Matt moved on, found a friend or a fuck. Vladimir should be happy for him. Vladimir shouldn’t go after him.

 _Fuck_. Matt really deserved better.

*

“Is he dead?” Frank asked. They were sitting on the floor in Matty’s kitchen, sleep forgotten.

Matt shrugged, with a pitiful smile on his face. Frank winced. That told him everything he needed to know: _well probably but I’m not sure I haven’t thought about it too much y’know why would I think that hard about my lovers potentially gruesome death why do you ask?_

“Last we talked, he was flying back to Russia to bury his brother, Anatoly. Said he would be gone for a few months. One of his contacts told me he got stabbed in Petersburg. A month later I heard he was...gone.”

“You didn’t go after him?”

“Nah. He didn’t leave...” Matt’s mouth twisted. “We had a fight. Before he left. Disagreement about the Ranskahov family business.”

“Hold on. Vladimir and Anatoly-”

“The Ranskahov Brothers. Yep.” Matt smiled. “You know me. It’s the puppy dog eyes. It attracts bad people.”

“Jesus, Matty.” Frank held his head in his hands.

“Blasphemy.” Matt hugged his knees. “He-I don’t expect you to believe this, but. He...he wasn’t a good person-”

“Surprise, surprise.”

“-but after his brother died, he shut it all down. Fisk helped, y’know, with the bombs and all but. He wanted to do good. He wanted to do it for me.”

“Matt.” Frank laid his arm across his shoulders. “This-this don’t sound good from any point of view.”

“It wasn’t like I thought I could change him.” Matt snapped. “I’m not some little kid. I didn’t follow him around with wide eyes and pretend the bad shit didn’t exist. It’s just-” Matt ran out of steam. “-he stopped. He _changed_. And every time he did something right, he looked at me like I was to blame. Like I had given him a gift. Like I had hung up the fucking moon.”

“Was it enough?” Frank asked.

They sat in silence for a while.

“We had a dog, Frank.”

They both burst into laughter.

*

Daredevil was still around, so Matvey must still be okay. Apparently there was some new freak called The Punisher. Vladimir thumbed through articles and clips on his phone. A video of them fighting each other, a video of them fighting together, a video of Frank Castle, an army vet.

It had been two days. Vladimir should probably eat something. Change the bandages on his side.

He drank.

*

“Here she is!”

“Aw.” Frank gave a breathy little sigh, immediately falling to his knees to let the dog lick his face.

“Thanks, Misha. I’m, uh. I’m sorry it’s been so long.” Matt shook the dog sitter’s hand. Xey were an old friend of Anatoly’s, a dancer with short, blue hair.

“Think nothing of it. She a sweetheart, remembered all of Volodya’s tricks!”

“Speaking of Vladimir,” His voice dropped to almost a whisper. “Have you heard anything about him?”

Xey shook xir head. “I have not.”

Frank pretended not to have heard them, content with the dog. Misha and Matt watched them for a moment.

“We will keep each other informed, yes? You have my number.”

“Yeah.” Matt smiled, a strained little thing. Xey had lied. “Thank you.”

*

Misha closed the door, leaning heavily against it. Xey pressed the heel of xir hands into xir eyes, switching to Russian.

“ _Volodya, I cannot lie for you again._ ”

“ _I’m sorry._ ” Vladimir was sitting at her table, eyes blank. “ _He looks...okay? Healthy? Happy?_ ”

“ _You heard him, right?_ ” Vladimir was silent. Misha sighed. “ _He always looks sad. The man with him seemed nice. They seemed...close._ ” Xey peered out the window.

“ _You should meet with him. Let him know you are alive._ ”

No response. Misha sighed.

“ _Fine. Sit there and hate yourself. You will regret every moment you aren’t with him. This hurts him too, Volodya._ ”

He laughed. “ _You sound like my brother._ ”

*

“He must be dead. Misha was _lying_.”

Frank said nothing, watching the dog climb the stairs to the office. Matt sighed. “Xey pity me, just like everyone else. _Oh, he has the dog. He’s finally moving on.._.”

Frank caught his hand before he could run it through his hair, kissing his knuckles. “This has been bothering you for a while. Eating away at you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Matt stopped, leaning against Frank’s shoulder. Niko whined, worried. “I didn’t want you to think…”

“You can still be in love with him.” Frank kissed his temple. “You can be in love with both of us. It’s possible. And in our cases, understandable.” His voice caught, as it always did when he spoke about his family. Matt squeezed his hand.

“I love you.”

“You too, sweetheart.”

*

“There is a ‘no superhero’ rule for this apartment, Matt. I lost my shift because of-”

Claire stopped in her tracks, her mouth falling open.

“Vladimir?”

Vladimir hopped down from the windowsill. “Hi.”

“Vladimir. Jesus. I thought you were _dead_.”

Vladimir shrugged.

“Was the funeral-?”

“It was nice. Interrupted, but. Nice.”

He nodded to himself, looking at the floorboards.

“I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

There was silence.

“How are things with you and Matt? Jesus,” She let out a breathy laugh. “Wish I coulda seen the look on his face when he saw you…”

She trailed off as Vladimir’s shoulders stiffened. He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Jesus Christ. You haven’t-?”

“I should go.”

Claire sighed, collapsing on her couch. She toed off her shoes. “Why the hell is it that I play therapist to you assholes?” She murmured to the ceiling. “You need to meet him.”

“I-”

“Do you know how broken he was, when you left?” Vladimir’s head snapped up, fury in his eyes.

“I never wanted to leave him. I would _never_ -”

“Then fucking _tell him_. Y’know what he thinks?”

“That I got scared and ran.”

“Mmm-hmm. Is that true?”

“No, I-”

“Then you have nothing to worry about. Now,” She hoisted herself off the couch and opened the front door. “Get out of my apartment. Through the door, this time, or the landlord will have my head.”

*

Frank stirred the butter, lime, cilantro, and garlic in a saucepan.  Matt loved angel hair pasta with a cold spoonful of Ragu, but he’d been on a lime kick recently. Frank blamed Foggy’s cupcakes. That lime buttercream was _killer_. Matt was still at the office, leaving Frank to cook at his house. He threw in the steamed broccoli and onion, then reduced the heat and leaned against the counter, breathing in the silence.

Or at least he did, until there was a knock at the door. Frank took his handgun off the counter. He began to creep to the door, thinking. It was a soft knock. Karen? No, Karen wore two rings on her right hand, he would have heard the metal. Foggy? No, he would have knocked out some strange rhythm and begun singing.

The knock cut off halfway through, as though the person had lost their nerve. Frank opened the door, his gun behind his back.

No one was there. He looked down the hall to see an armed man walking away, his head down.

“Is there a problem, sir?”

He stopped. “I think I had wrong house. Pardon me.” His voice was heavily accented.

“Were you looking for Matt Murdock?” The man froze. “Look, fella. I really don’t want trouble today.” He cocked his gun. “Are you going to be trouble, sir?”

“No, listen-” The man turned around, his eyes narrowed. Then his chin dropped, eyebrows raising as his eyes widened. “ _Frank Castle?_ Why are you in Matvey’s house?” He reached for his pistol, pacing towards him. “If you fucking hurt him, сука-”

“Alright, back the fuck off-”

The door on the other side of the hall creaked open. An old lady stuck her head out of the door. Both men hid their guns behind their back.

“Hello?” She said in a creaky voice. Her eyes lit up when she saw Vladimir. “Oh! Hello, young man! I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Hello, Lannie.” Vladimir said with a sweet smile. “How’s the wife? How are the cats?”

“They’re both wonderful. In fact, I’ve just found a little orange kitten by that little bakery on 24th.” She undid the chain on her door and stepped out, a black cat winding between her ankles. “You should help me catch her, Vincent.”

“Vladimir. I’m allergic, Lannie.”

“Excuses, excuses.” She patted his cheek. “Come over for dinner, you’re far too skinny! Bring your friend.” She smiled at Frank. “Hello.”

“Hello, Ma’am. Sorry for the noise.”

“Oh, you’re fine. Have a nice day, boys! Good to see you, Victor.”

“Bye, Lannie.”

She closed her door. Vladimir and Frank just sort of looked at each other.

“Uh.” Frank said, helpfully. “Want to come in?”

*

“So. You’re Vladimir Ranskahov.”

“You’re Frank Castle.”

Frank stared at him, silent. Vladimir tapped out a rhythm on his thigh. The apartment was clean. Very clean.

“Army brat?”

“Dancing boy?”

Vladimir scowled at him. Frank smirked. Vladimir ignored that, looking around. There was something delicious cooking in the kitchen, and a rack of rifles on the far wall, out of sight from the hallway. The couch he was sitting on was much comfier than he remembered. The chair Frank was sitting on was new.

Vladimir swung his legs up on the couch. “I am bored of this.”

“Shoes off the furniture.”

Vladimir looked him up and down. “Make me.”

Frank growled, standing up. He was taller than Vladimir remembered. “You piss me off.”

“I get that a lot.”

Frank sat on the arm of the couch. “Boots. Off.”

Vladimir took out his phone. “Nah.”

Frank muttered something under his breath. He unzipped Vladimir’s boot and chucked it over his shoulder. This was kind of hot. Vladimir held out the other one.

“I should break your foot.”

“Do you have a thing for feet?”

Frank blushed. “I have a thing for clean furniture. I should ask you the same question." He unzipped the second boot, ignoring the decorative buckles and laces. "Is that a knife in your pocket?”

“Packer, actually.” The server on his Pokémon game crashed. He sighed, glaring at the phone. Frank stared at him for a second before shrugging, tossing the other boot behind him.

“Sorry for assuming. What are your pronouns?”

“He/Him, They/Them sometimes. You?”

“He/Him.” Vladimir dropped his feet into Frank’s lap. “You’re okay. I see why Matvey-” He swallowed hard. He pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them.  “Why did you let me in here?”

“Matty thinks you’re dead.”

“Maybe that’s good. He’s happy with you.” He looked Frank in the eye. “You treat him well, or I fucking _kill_ you.”

“Back at you. He’ll be home soon.”

“I need to go.”

Quick as a flash, Frank had him pinned to the couch. “Look, kid. You fucked up big time. Matt really loved you.”

“I love him.” Vladimir’s eyes welled up with tears. He let them fall, unashamed. “I didn’t want to leave.”

“Then wait here with me.” Frank sat back on his heels.

*

Niko whined at Matt’s heel as he ran his fingers over the mail. Nope. No handwritten letters. Matt sighed. Frank would have to read those.

He climbed the stairs to his apartment, Niko snuffling along. He smelt limes and butter, and smiled when he heard Frank’s steady heartbeat. Two steady heartbeats. Foggy?

He heard Lannie and her wife talking about a sweet boy to help her find a cat. He heard bandages rustling against torn skin, wrapped too loose. He heard a leather jacket squeal as it’s owner folded their arms. He heard the roll of an ankle, the laugh of-

No.

He heard Volodya’s laugh.

He ran to his apartment and flung open the door.

*

“I did my best.” Frank said, as Vladimir laughed his ass off from the couch.

“Sorry, I’m a judgemental fuck. You do not steep tea that long.” He clutched his side. “Also, ow.”

“You deserve it.” Frank mumbled, pouring the mug down the drain. “We have three dozen first aid kits, let me-”

The front door slammed against the wall. One of the hinges broke, and the doorknob left a dent. Frank winced. Foggy knows a drywall guy.

Matt stood in the doorway, breathing heavily. Niko was right behind him, barreling in when she saw Vladimir.

Vladimir had jumped up and was frozen. Niko ran to him, snuffling and wagging her little stub tail. Vladimir reached down to pet her, eyes not leaving Matt’s face. Frank walked over to him, shutting the door.

“Do you want me to leave, for now?” He whispered. Matt swallowed.

“No.”

Frank nodded, ignoring Vladimir’s shaky exhale. He walked to the kitchen. He needed something to do with his hands.

*

Silence. Vladimir didn’t mind. He had the opportunity to...look at him.

He hadn’t changed a bit. Those cute ears and smile lines. The slope of his jaw. His lips. _Please smile at me._ He thought. _I’d die for that smile. Please be okay. Let us be okay._

*

Matt wanted to touch him. Wanted to kiss him. Wanted to scream in his face. Wanted to beat him over and over until there was nothing left. Wanted to change his bandages. Wanted to hold him.

He listen to his heartbeat, and the blood pooling in his side. The unsteady expansion of his lungs. He listened for his eyes, darting from exit to exit. But he was completely still. Staring.

“Hi.”

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“I-”

“Why did you _leave_ me?”

“After the funeral-I-There were men. From the prison I escaped from. I escaped again. _Please_.”

Matt took off his glasses. Was he crying?

“I can go.” Vladimir said, faltering. “If. That would be best. I’m sorry.”

“Shut up.” Matt dragged the heel of his palm across his eyes. “You’re an asshole.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

Vladimir couldn’t take it anymore. He ran to Matt, throwing his arms around his shoulders and nuzzling into his neck.

Matt wrapped his arms around his waist. Sandalwood cologne, sour cream, and vodka. Home.

“Frank, wait.” Frank stopped in the doorway, hands balled up in fists. Vladimir and Matt were looking at him with watery, bright eyes. Matt reached out to him. “Stay?”

They both had puppy eyes. Shit.

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Man, am I the first one to use this relationship tag? Huh.
> 
> You can find me at SorryFreudianSlip.tumblr.com!


End file.
